A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores.
M*A*S*H, Klinger, 'Bug-Out,' 1976
I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.
During my 18 years I came to bat almost 10,000 times. I struck out about 1,700 times and walked maybe 1,800 times. You figure a ballplayer will average about 500 at bats a season. That means I played seven years without ever hitting the ball.